Marriage Jokes

DIVORCED BARBIE

Q: What comes with the new Divorced Barbie? A: All Ken's stuff.

AT THE DOOR Q: If your wife is shouting at the front door and your dog is barking at the back door, who do you let in first? A: The dog -- at least he'll quiet down after you let him in.

FROSTY DIVORCE

Q: Why did Frosty the Snowman want a divorce? A: He thought his wife was a flake.

DUMPED BY HIS GIRLFRIEND

Q: Why was the 6'6" guy so brokenhearted after his 4'9" girlfriend dumped him? A: He was nuts over her.

BEYOND IMPOTENT

A woman tells her doctor, "My husband is 300% impotent. The doctor asks her, "I'm not quite sure what you mean. Could you elaborate?" She replies, "Well, the first part you can imagine, but he also burned his tongue and broke his finger."

LAUNDROMAT BLUES

Q: Why is a laundromat a really bad place to pick up women? A: Because a woman who can't afford her own washing machine won't be able to support you.

FENCE OF LOVE

A couple celebrates their 30th anniversary by visiting fence against which they first made love. The husband says, "Come on, for old times' sake." The wife agrees and they both undress. Afterwards, the husband says, "You're even better than you were 30 years ago." His wife replies, "That fence wasn't electrified 30 years ago!"

GOT NUTS?

A woman walks into a grocery store and asks the stock boy if he has any nuts. The guy says, "No, ma'am." She says, "Well, do you have any dates?" He replies, "Ma'am, if I don't have nuts, do you really expect me to have dates?"

OCTOPUS LOVE

Q: What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus? A: "I want to hold your hand. Er, hands."

REDNECK DIVORCE

Q: What do a tornado and a redneck divorce have in common? A: In the end, someone is going to lose a trailer.